Day 25 – Rating the Pastas at the Halfway Point

by hagz

Over halfway through this project, I have now tried every pasta, sauce, and topping. So how do the pastas rate?

Pastas

1. Cavatappi

Day 12 005

I can’t even begin to imagine how you roll out these corkscrew shaped pastas by hand. I’m imagining hobbits taking a long tube of pasta, scoring the sides, then wrapping the giant tube of pasta around the world’s longest #2 pencil, waiting for the shape to take, then cutting it into cavatappi. Really fun to eat. Imagine you’re Godzilla eating a building and you come across a spiral staircase in someone’s home.

2. Spaghetti

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Narrowly beats out fettuccine, mostly because the fettuccine always seems to be overcooked at the OG. A classic, like Citizen Kane. Or so they tell me. Do people still watch movies that old? I hate when “critics” put together top 100 lists and always include boring, ancient movies just to show off how far back their useless knowledge of film goes. When you buy a $40,000 TV with surround sound, you’re not putting on Citizen Kane. You’re going with a real classic, like Bad Boys 2, or Fast Five.

3. FettuccineDay 14 009Would be no. 2 if it wasn’t always soft and overcooked. Pasta is actually a lot like TVs – the bigger and flatter, the better.

4. Penne

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Penne is what you get when the cavatappi hobbits come in to work hungover, and don’t feel like carefully wrapping the coils of pasta around the pencil. Still, easy to eat, rarely overcooked, and fewer napkins used.

5.  Brown hippie pasta

MEATBALL SUBS! 005Naturally, this is the one that my wife prefers. The color is ethnic, the flavor is earthy, and it’s probably made from ground hemp or something. Every time you eat whole wheat pasta, a tree in a rain forest somewhere grows an inch taller, and Rush Limbaugh passes a kidney stone. I bet it’s real popular in Portland.

6. Angel Hair

pasta pass day 4 004

The worst pasta ever. Don’t even get me started.

Busy day today, ended up getting some penne with marinara and meatballs to go.

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If you ever wondered how the OG manages to get their pasta out so fast, it’s because they actually cook all of the pasta every morning, then simply “re-thermalize” it when it’s ordered. What does that mean? It means you get one of these machines. Learn something new every day right?

Current weight: 174.1

Current cost per pasta bowl: $7.56

Breadsticks consumed (today/total): 2/38

 

 

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